|science and philosophy alternatve medicine history and misc.|
|poetry gallery lies my father told me pipedreams blog|
Dave is a Financial Adviser. He is young and he is working in a large firm. He is also the victim of a motor vehicle accident. Ive been treating him. He is almost better. Of course the insurance company is dicking us about... a bit. Before they cover his accident they are consuming his "extended benefits", so that once he has recovered they will have already whisked away his extended benefits saving themselves, collectively, a few hundred dollars. I think that little insurance company conspiracy might have been what set us off to invent the Unethical Fund. Or maybe we were talking about ethical stocks, while I was working on his neck, and one of us, or both of us, came up with the idea of a mutual fund based explicitly on "unethical stocks". I got quite excited. It would sell like hot cakes. Everyone assumes that unethical companies are profitable. We could make a million. "Daves Devils Own Unethical Fund". People would buy them as a novelty. You could put in one share of Enron. "Can you still buy Enron?" I asked.
"Oh yes. I believe its selling at 39 cents this morning. And Anderson, of course," said Dave.
"Who are the big weapons manufacturers?" I asked. "Besides Dow Chemicals."
"Not Dow. Its Lockheed and Boeing."
"How about General Motors?"
"General Electric. I dont know about General Motors," said Dave, "but certainly we can stick in Harley Davidson." Harley has been one of our favorite topics. Its Americas new mothers milk and apple pie. There is a two-year waiting list to buy a bike.
"Why Harley?" I asked.
"Cause the Hells Angels ride them. Think Harley, think Angels. And theres Exxon and their pollution. And the banks."
"And the insurance companies," I said.
"Oh, yes. The insurance companies for sure."
We added to our list with abandon. "Theres McDonalds, for the trees and the heart disease."
"Theres Talisman. A great Canadian firm." Just that week it had come public that Talisman had asked the Sudanese military to clear the villages out of the oil fields.
"And what about Volkswagen?" Dave asked.
"Actually," I said, "Volkswagen dont make any weapons on principle."
"Ah, but there was the Second World War slave labour."
"Well we could certainly throw in Krupt. I think they are big in pharmaceuticals nowadays, probably under some new name. Well have to research the Second World War slave labour practices."
"What about pharmaceutical in general?" asked Dave.
"Well, I would think they are pretty unethical. Thats a long story," I said. "Ill save it for another day, but Monsanto, and the other genetic engineering concerns, are a sure bet." Then I stopped and thought. "You know, maybe we could just pretend to buy unethical stocks and really by ethical stock. Tell everyone we were buying unethical, but cheat on them buy really buying ethical stocks. That would be unethical."
"And illegal," said Dave.
My enthusiasm for the project continued through to the end of our session, and through booking the next appointment, and seeing Dave to the door. I was sure Daves Devils Own Unethical Fund would be hot, would be viable. It could be a really big fad. Make us rich. But I sensed that, for Dave, this was not a serious proposition. He was just having fun. As he started down the stairs, I queried him. "Youre not going to do this, are you? You know it would work. Everyone would buy some. Gifts for their friends. Just for a joke. Wed make a killing."
Dave looked back. "I dont really have time," he said. Im too busy making money for my clients. And besides," he added, but then he left me hanging.
"And besides?" I asked.
"And beside it would be unethical."