Hatred's Fount


	I

I've been avoiding
  that "other time and space"
  despite a show of questing:

Those mountains
  that we climbed,
  and quiet rests
  in groves with sparkling sunlight,
  playing on this,  
  on that.

Every Sunday I've returned
  to those hills and woods,
  but now I walk
  with a cold purpose,
  a purpose that denies 
  the sunlight play...

Now even in those woods
  I have a desk light
  narrowed on small objects
  that I've circled to exhaustion..
  boring,
  but secure.


	II

Last night,
  returning to the open place,
  falling free again
  from the narrow journey of purpose -
  and opening wide
  eyes and heart
  in homage to last winter's trial
  last winter's triumphal defeat...

Last winter I loved another:
  another world and master.

Last winter I was far from you,
  and so much closer.
Last winter I was given in sacrifice
  to this great pyre -
  my life;
  a burning wheel;
  a narrow fire.

I am ashamed of last winter,
  when I was minion of a petty daemon,
  creature of the narrow way,
  half light,
  spawned in the service of compulsion.

I am in shame
  and hold the leaf before my eyes -
Oh Father! I am naked.

Last winter
  I wanted needed
  my cold sister
  riding flame and billows -
  dark curling smoke in caverns -
  tortured tunnels -
  warm damp recess


	III

Sister!
  black sister!
  ride forth:
  I am your chariot,
  I kiss the spur,
  and kiss the Gorgon's lair,
  the wiry hair
  its love hate and fear -
  the mouth of life
  approached in death -
  the pull of undercurrents.
  on and on
  and stop.


	IV                             

Through the shame of last winter...
	its compulsion -
	the citadel
	of the white queen
	the black hair -
	our "burning wall",
	our "falling tower,
	and Agamemnon dead."

Again again
	assaulting
	the untakeable wall,
	the endless fall,
	scaling ladders,
   climbing past the peak-capped gargoyle:
	only to be prised from my crab clinging,
	tumbling from the wall

I prowled all winter around,
	about her pale skin,
	her dark mouth.

Falling,
	falling from the citadel.
Prick pushed,
	belly ripped -
	hers and mine.
Heart walled
	and open,

Eyes now blind.


	V

Last winter a burning mire
	(and life and death) -
	sin -
	the devil driving -
	whip lash
	shit splash -
	head screwed,
	constricted,
	pushing through the solid wall.

Riding to death,
	for the freedom of the ride
	the rip
The sword.
	riding,
	trampling,
	onwards,
	onwards,
	forever,
	death orgy,
	forever,
	plunging.

My great shame
	of darkness
	and of death:
The pact I signed
	paying murder for the ride.


	VI

What small parcel are we concealing?
	just my childhood's dangling derringer?...
	or perhaps a yawning, a hole...
	another thought altogether...
	worms.


	VII

Behind me
	an angel and lost child -
	hid -
	cried.

I cursed you too
	and rode you to the same mire:
My great shame.


	VIII

Last night,
	returning to last winter,

	I saw your face,
	and stumbling to the other place,

	your face,
	peeking out (the hopeful child),
	flickering smile reaching to me.

	decaying flesh and angel's.

I saw my soul
My hate
Your angel's face.

  
 
    
 
      
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