Darrell Darnell

in memorium


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please send your contributions to normanallandr@yahoo.ca

click here for Darrell's Facebook Page

The Stardust Theatre

this is a short story Darrell wrote
probably in the late '80s, early 90s,
and I think it's a gem


Below are my drawings of Darrell. I hope he isn't up there saying, "Oh, Norman! It's all about you." That's one of the mantra's I've recently taken from Buck, trying to catch myself when its "all about me."

we will hold a memorial
for Darrell's friends
in Toronto
on Sunday
2nd October

for more information email
Robin and/or me (Norman)


I remember so many years ago..going to party with your mom and you...and the day she passed...splashing each other in the rain on a windy Vancouver night...going to see Peter and talking all night...Wren...Bruce...Howie and Annie and JP..the house and the crazy times.., you tried to help my ever so failing relationship with my wife, thanks for that...I'm so sorry I never got to meet Lupo, your great love..and what I remember the very most is laughing and crying, I am crying as I write this..lol..sometimes the crying came out of the side splitting laughter...we did that a lot..and Darrell...forgive me please..I thought we had more time...Via Con Dios sweet man

James Luker

Darrell, We've talked about you so much in the past few days. The idea that you will pass on and be so easily forgotten was a foolish notion. You are missed. I am so pissed off that you won't be attending your own memorial - I cannot tell you how much. I'm going to imagine you there so I can get the down low. Be good to yourself now. No more tomfoolery. xo

Nikkey Nikkey

Buck and the Imperfect

I've been having these imperfect thoughts about imperfection. My friend Buck just passed on. He wanted to go, so I guess that's fine. His lot was lousy (Job had an easier lot). Physical pain, psychosocial pain beyond the toilet bowl, along with problems too mundane, problems too private to get into here. Not surprisingly, Buck was not your average guy. Left behind a lot of friend who now see (even more clearly) just how special.
      My house is full of things he made for me, and they're all a little bit wonkey: but they work. Like Buck. His body super problematic and, I guess, with all the pain, it didn't work well, and came to a stop at forty four.
      Unsatisfactory, the Buddhists say of life: Dukkha, variously translated as unsatisfactory or suffering.
      So let's rejoice: how deep, how clever was my brother Buck. How much karma he burned for all of us.
      Buck, buck, a son of bad luck, got his wish and is gone.

So the imperfect thought is a contemplation of Buck's pain and failing, faults and how transcendent his sad life was. A beacon to the satisfactoriness of the imperfect.
      Buck and perfection: go on, make me laugh!

of Lupo

you'd show up at my front door. Was it a month, 2 months, half a year? who knows and who cared. you were here and then you were gone. the loss of you has been sudden yet I'm so used to the random call, you suddenly showing up at the door full of stories, travel and in need of a good meal. you were always trying to reinvent yourself yet the pain never let you reach what we all saw as great potential. may this new journey be 'light' in all the meanings that this word conjures. your potential is now possible supported only by your great spirit - not hindered anymore. love you man!

Michael Goldman

Darrell : one

Darrel: Two


(Darrell liked "No, I missed that.
I missed that completely.")

My Dear Friend Darrell,
I'm sorry for taking so long to write you a note. I'm glad for you that your pain and suffering is over. However I'm sad that I can't just call my friend to B.S. anymore. I find myself flooded with memories of things that we did that have long been forgotten, the many road trips, like when you bought the girls glasses that we had picked up hitchhiking for $10.00 just so you could see to drive, ( now that was funny). Or the road trips to Slocan in late October and we walked all night just to keep from freezing, you get really bitchy man. I still tell the story of you and Lupo eating my $30.00 steaks, now that pissed me off. But, that's what we were really all about. The many chapters of my life you have been a significant part of (good and bad) are now over, for that I am very sad. You will be greatly missed and I will always be proud to call you friend.

Love your "Bro" Sean
it's all about…

heavy stilted words
for me and my friend
twisted metal words
like clumsy faux gargoyles

oh a few people celebrate us
we've a few fans
me despite my sulky sorrow
he despite his sulky anguish and rage
we didn't rage the good night
we stumbled to bed and the grave

would you like a monument?
or you just laughing
pretending to laugh
at me
what tchew leave us?
Dee my boy
the more than several souls you comforted
oh and mine so thickly
these good seeds you sewed
oh and they'll grow
let's hope the grow
though I grow weary
and Gab's unfit
this time
this time…

next time round we'll all blossom
you'll see
and here
the tears return
for you?
for me.



... I met Darrell through his adoption of Lupo, a dog I went to pick up in my brand new car (got a couple of days before) in the middle of a snowstorm after receiving a call from the rescue group I volunteer for, telling me he could not handle being in the kennel he was put in after his rescue. When I finally found my way to the kennel, a few hours later, they brought me a very smelly, dirty, skin and bone, scared dog. And somehow, my heart felt for him, I loved that dog.

Did I mention we got lost in the middle of the storm on our way back? Or that Lupo actually baptized my brand new car in the meantime?
You've got to love that dog!

Usually I would wait a couple of days before giving a bath to a dog so he knows me a little bit and has a chance to trust me. But, in Lupo's case, the smell was strong enough to peel the paint off the walls! With the help of a friend, Liz, we got through a bath experience none of us will ever forget! Then, we realized Lupo was actually quite white indeed...

... and also that Lupo had a compulsive habit of licking his private's parts like no other dog have done before! He was amazingly flexible, I would say. Incredebly creative. Could have written the Kama Sutra or might have reinvented it for dogs... Will we ever be able to get him off this non-stop habit? We figure that if we keep him busy enough we might have a chance to get him off his self-centered habit. Got to love that dog!

As time went by, Lupo added some pounds on his bones, became more confident and abandoned his not to appealing habit. Liz took him for a while so there will be less dogs in the househod. Then Oloff started walking him, bringing him everywhere and eventually at a friend's place where Lupo met Darrell...

and Darrell really, really loved this dog!!!

Picture both of
you together Darrell, always

Leslie Darnell has written Darrell a long letter in memorium on facebook. Below is a sample...

... "Much too young, cut short just when you had found some creative happiness at this time in life. Not a religious but a spiritual man, not attached to earthly possessions but definitely attached still to his dog." ...

to read the whole letter click here...

I don't remember joy
when I was a boy
but didn't the days run on

some kind of sadness crept over the hill
Dee, they trashed him as a baby
the crazies
alcoholic mother, demeaning father,
a sadistic elder brother embedded
needles in his feet
and when the family finished
whooping him
the world whipped him too
and wasn't Mother Nature unkind
in public and private ways
pain ago-go

the the then the last years
my "brother" started to stutter

he was a clever man
as smart a soul as ever I've known
with the exception of being
unable to take care for himself
for the most part
ah but that's not a poem
that's just a moan
and didn't the days run on

everywhere in my house
there are things Dee did for me
or gave me
so much indeed
I always miss a bunch
if I give the tour

so many people Darrell touched
were touched quite deeply

I remember
after his last haul back from the coast
Buck raving waving
a giant umbrella
in the storming park
yelling at the sky
begging to die

later he complained
"my social worker
doesn't understand
the difference
between wanting to die
and suicide"

now he's gone
and there are tears in my eyes
as I think of his pain

didn't the days run

an Leslie has written
a wonderful poem

"... let me tell you
About my brother ...
Within his prickly shell..."

(click here to read
this wonderful tribute

Eric Mulholland wrote a "requiem"

: "... I discover that Darrell is knocking at my memory and asking for a moment of my time. He does not need to be brought to life and articulated like a fictional character. Darrell Darnell has been here on earth, lived large across the world and stages of life. ... I met him when he was 14 and I was 28. He was adrift from his family but he was awake and alive and funny and active. ..." click here to read
Hi Norm and fellow Darrell missers,
     I don't know if Darrell Darnell ever mentioned me to you, but he was a close friend to myself and my family since 2005, when he was living in Chilliwack.
I just found out about his passing on Thursday night.
     I first met Darrell when I was renting a small house in Chilliwack and he moved in to the house, with his dog,and our lives...what a unique and gifted person he was, although I often thought he didn't know that, or maybe didn't want to admit it..
     He left Chilliwack in 2007, but we kept in touch after that, we spoke on the phone in April and he asked when I was coming to Toronto and told him in October and we would meet up then..now that obviously is not going to happen...Darrell I'm upset with you for checking out so early in your life, I think he was only 44.
     There will always be a part in our hearts for Darrell and will miss him always.
     Cliff Jones and Sheila, Barb. Pam Stacey,and Denice
Hi everyone, this is Pam (Pamela Kyssa). I met Darrell at a 'drop in' center in Toronto, Parkdale area...about 24 years ago.....he was working there.
     Robin, I think I remember you, hi and thank you for sending this email, xx
     Darrell was a big support to me, I was a young single mother of very low income and I had had a child from a man who was abusive/lost. I was alone without family in Canada (I'm originally from London, England) and Darrell helped me get through some very difficult times. He also had his own difficult things to process and I like to think that I helped him also.
     I am sad to hear of Darrell's passing though I have to say at the same time I feel a little bit of relief, on his behalf, he did struggle and I know he was not very well for a long time.
     Dani, if you are reading this, I say hello...my son Sascha is 25 now and he is a lovely young man. I am now living in Ottawa and Sascha is living and studying at university in the U.S.A.. I wonder how Sam is doing, he must be 26 or 27 now.
     I recognize another name from the list 'Norman', hi Norman I know you were close to Darrell and you were very kind to him.
     I do not recognize any other names on the list but hello to you all, we share something in common, we all knew Darrell :)
     May he be resting in peace, having a great liberated time or something else that he finds wonderful, with love from Pam xxxxx and love from my son Sascha xxxxx Hi Darrell, if you're listening/watching ... whooooohooooooooh see ya later buddy! Hugs!
Robin Blechman Preboy

We just had the most beautiful memorial at our home for a dear brother/friend Darrell who passed recently. What a precious thing is a life. What a precious thing is a friend. He was a giant, and big things will come of our gathering together today, because he was an extraordinary soul who reflected soulfully with so many. We will bring him with us, as we newfound friends creatively journey together within exciting endeavours whose seeds were generated today. These days especially, it is so good to gather.
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Norman Allan

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