Roots, the poem (explained)

I found myself in a nostalgic mood
thinking of a lost love
so "listless and bored"
I wrote of "toasting the hoard
the faces that filled my life and vanished"
then I waxed dramatic spouting how
I'd "striven with grief and twists
and briefed my soul to reach
for simplicity and splendour
to search and set high goals
and leave them high
for the wind to bless"

I thought again of "the joy of seeing
some dear face"
of "the fastness lent
by love reflected
these things that tied me to the world
anchors roots
these things that gave me substance
meaning"

so I arrived at these lines
how "I grieve to leave
this marrying web
stepping once more
through the open door
not turning my head
as did Lot's wife to salt
but standing beyond the doorways
which close forever on forever
standing as Jesus walked on water
before 'I don't know'
and 'I might never see your face again
my mother father lover friends'

Scattered spider thread"

Roots (an earlier version)

Listlessly toasting the host
the faces that filled my life and vanished,
while I strove with grieves and twists.
and briefed my soul to reach
for simplicity and splendour,
to set high goals and search
and leave them high
for the sun and wind to bless.

Now conjuring the joy, the peace,
of some dear face absent, gone,
the fastness lent by love reflected,
a horizontal hold,
these things that tied me to the world,
roots, anchors,
these things that gave me substance,
afforded attachments
and meanings.

Oh I grieve to leave
this marrying web,
stepping once more
through the open door,
not turning my head
as did Lot's wife to salt,
but standing beyond the doorways
which close forever on forever,
standing, as Jesus walked on water,
before "I don't know"
and "I might never see your face again
my mother father lover friends

Scattered spider thread